Useless Greek Mythology?

I asked my fourth grader what book he was reading in school.

He answered, "I like reading about Greek mythology. Now I'm reading the Adventures of Useless."

I was confused for a second and then asked, "Do you mean Ulysses?"

"Uh, I guess so."

Then I tried to hide my laugh.

Can You Guess??

What do these things have in common:

A huge card box for a TV

A garden hose

My 9 year old's homework binder

A side table

4 pencils

Any guesses???

No, they aren't things on my son's list of class supplies he needs for this year. But that was just as absurd.

If you lived in my neighborhood and looked out your window this week, those are all things that you would have seen me carrying up the sidewalk. Not all out once of course. That would be ridiculous. In 2 separate trips. On 2 separate days. Why? Because those are things that my kids took out of our house and brought to neighbors house to use in their yards.

It almost makes me look forward to the rain that should be coming soon.

What I Like About You

My boys have been fighting. A lot. I could say they have been fighting since school got out but that wouldn't be true. I think they started fighting when the younger one was old enough to spit.

Almost everyday I have to be the referee. I'm tired of it. I told the boys that they should respect and love each other. I sat them down and asked them to compliment each other, to tell their brother something they like about him.

My 9 year old started. He said, "I like that you're not in the way too much."

We were off to a great start.

My 7 year old said, "I like your nose."

That went well.

A Home Run

The other night we decided to take the kids to play tennis after dinner. My boys are ages 7 and 9. This was their first time on a tennis court. They had been asking for a while to go so we thought we would give it a try.

The ball was all over all 6 courts.

Everywhere.

My 7 year old hit the ball really hard and it went out of the court. He smiled and said, "I hit a home run."

"There aren't home runs in tennis, honey."

"But mom, it went over the fence."

"Yes it did."

One nice thing did happen. We started out with two tennis balls and ended up with 4 when we left. How funny.

What Does It Mean?

My 7 year old stumbled over the word, "microclimate" tonight while doing his homework. I asked him if he knew what a climate was. He did not. So I asked his older brother who was sitting next to us if he knew what climate meant.

He said, "You know when you go up a mountain. You climb it."

I tried not to laugh.

Too cute.

Why?

Why is it that whenever I need large potatoes to cook with, the bag is filled with small ones. And today I needed 3 small potatoes and there were only large potatoes in the bag. Why???















It must be a conspiracy!

Spring Break Lingo

My kid were off from school this past week for spring break. Spring, however, never got the memo and failed to show up. We made the best of things indoors most of the time and had some great conversations. My 7 year old asked me, "Mom, if you're dad is in the army, does that make you a veterinarian?" I didn't mean to laugh. I just didn't know where to begin. While my 7 year old and 9 year old were playing a game on their Nintendo DSi's, I heard one say, "I just caught this Pokemon who looks like Lady Gaga!" Another proud parent moment for me. My 9 year old had a friend over and they were discussing the subject of jumping on a trampoline at another friend's house. My son's friend said, "My mom can't jump on trampolines. She pees herself a little when she does." Poor lady! and TMI! Spring break is officially over. Tomorrow they can have more great conversations at school.

Who's Laughing Now?

I feel so old. I feel like I'm always at the doctor's office. I hate it. Most of you remember that I hurt my back this fall and had spine surgery in December. It's been 6 months and now I'm better. But I put off a lot of things during that time. Last month I caught up on some dental work that I needed. This morning I went to my annual OBGYN appointment.

At the dentist I get to sit back in a chair and watch TV and enjoy some nitrous. It never makes me laugh, but I enjoy it.

At the OBGYN, I have to strip down to a paper towel, lay on a cold table and stare at a Nemo picture taped to the ceiling. This is when I could really use that nitrous!

The doctor walked in and started with small talk and chatted about my history. When she started the physical exam, I was so tense. Who enjoys this?? It is definitely easier having my teeth poked at than having my WhoHa poked at. And have you seen the size of the needles the dentist uses?? That's nothing compared to the size of the speculum! And then comes the scrape, scrape, scrape. I get stressed just thinking about it.

At least it's over for this year. Next year I'm going to search for an OBGYN that has nitrous.

Would You Rather...

The other day my kids had a friend over and I heard them talking. My 8 year old asked his friend, "Would you rather kiss a girl in public or eat fly?"

His little brother and their friend were laughing uncontrollably at this idea.

The friend finally replied with absolute certainty, "Eat a fly! If I kissed a girl in public it would be all over twitter and facebook."

Horrific to even think about.

My Perfect World

In my perfect world...

Spatulas would not melt when resting on a frying pan.

Both kids would have soccer practice at the same time on the same field on the same days.

Chocolate would not have calories. or fat. or sugar. or caffeine. It would be like celery.

$40 kids shoes from Nike would last more than 2 months.

My car would always pass inspection on the first time. Or at least the second.

If someone steals your mailbox, they would have to pay the bills that are in it.

Schools would have one winter break, not early winter break, midwinter break, and end of winter break. Only to be followed by spring break.

Furniture shopping would be easy. and affordable.

The guy working at the front desk at the gym would not change the channel when Regis and Kelly comes on.

That would be my perfect world. At least for this week! How about you?

Getting Organized

I saw an article in a magazine recently with suggestions for organizing your closet. The article suggested that you put your jeans into different piles and then label each one. There was a picture of 4 piles of neatly folded jeans. Under the first one it said, "Skinny." The second was "Flare." The third was something like "Cargo." And I can't remember what the last one was. And I thought, "who has that many jeans??"

Here are the categories that I thought would be more useful:

Used to fit me 5 pounds ago Skinny Jeans

Jeans that show my undies when I sit down

Jeans that have holes

Jeans that have stains

Jeans that I actually wear

One lonely pair of jeans that actually get worn. And that's only on my "dress up" days.

Where Is It?

Tonight we went to a dinner party with some GeoCaching friends. Geocaching is my family's new hobby. You can go to www.geocaching.com and find of list geocaches in your area. Then you need a GPS to enter the coordinates and then go and find them! It's deceptively easy.

One of our favorite things about GeoCaching is finding trackables. Trackables are items that have a unique ID engraved on them. You log in the trackable code and you can see all of the places that it has been. Next you log in where you drop it off. It's fun to look at a world map crisscrossed with lines and discover that the trackable you are holding has traveled 50,000 miles!

Tonight my son traded some trackables that we had found with others at the party. He entered one of the codes and came to tell my husband that this particular trackable had been to Columbia!

My husband asked, "Where is Columbia?"

My son replied confidently, "Canada!"

My husband was confused. I laughed.

Then I said, "I think you are thinking of British Columbia."

My 7 year old chimed in, "Beautiful British Columbia!"

Just like the license plates say.

We see a lot of Beautiful British Columbia license plates around the Seattle area.

But we have never seen a license plate from Columbia.

Let It All Out

There are days when I find myself complaining a lot.

Today is one of those days.

One of those days when nothing seems to go right. Not that something awful happened, just nothing went exactly as planned.

Yesterday I made an appointment for acupuncture. I spoke with the clinic owner, asked if he took my insurance and made an appointment for today. The procedure went ok. Afterwards I was told that I had to pay $25 because my insurance doesn't cover acupuncture. Umm... but my insurance does in fact cover acupuncture. Turns out that the clinic does take my insurance for other things but they are not contracted for acupuncture. So why did the owner tell me that he took my insurance when I asked about an acupuncture appointment???

I stopped by the store on my way home. I needed milk and wanted to get a few of the sale items. They were out of stock of some of the sale items and I forgot to get the milk.

I hate when I'm at the store looking at something on the shelf and a few minutes later I look up and realize that someone is waiting for me to move out of the way. Don't they know that I don't have eyes in the back of my head?? Why can't people say "excuse me" anymore?? Or at least do a pretend cough so that I know they are waiting for me to move. Am I the only who hates that? Does everyone else just keep a lookout for people that may want to get past you in the grocery store aisle?? I feel like I need to yell "cover me" whenever I stoop down to check the price on the lower shelf.

I hate when someone stops at an intersection and they don't have a stop sign. There is one intersection in the grocery store parking lot that is like this. 2 ways have a stop sign and the other 2 do not. Those 2 lanes should not stop at the intersection. It messes everything up when one of those 2 lanes stops. No one knows what to do at that point. Since it becomes a free-for-all, next time I may just run them over.

A bird left me a present on my car. On my car door handle. Thanks, birdie.

After my adventures at the acupuncturist and the store and the parking lot, I ordered my favorite sandwich from this wonderful Vietnamese restaurant near my house. Warm tofu on delicious bread.... Yum! I picked it up and brought it home. I opened it. I found beef inside. I ordered tofu. I'm a vegetarian.

I think it may be a conspiracy.

I'm supposed to go to chess club soon. I wonder who will be out to bug me there.

Anyone want to let it all out and share your pet peeves? I promise not to tell ;)

My Secret Admirer

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm wondering if anyone received an email today from their secret admirer. I did. I don't usually open emails that have subject lines about a "secret admirer" or "someone is looking for you" or "someone loves you" or "we're going to send you $1M and then you send it back to us." Especially that last one.

But today I knew the sender of my "secret admirer" email. I get emails from this person regularly. My admirer included a picture of himself. He's an older man, but looks young. He has great skin, but he could stand to lose some of the fat around his middle. And he could really use a good tan. I've heard that he tastes delicious covered in butter.

Did anyone else get the same email?

I have a feeling that I'm not the only one with this secret admirer.

My secret admirer has a way of getting around.

Anyone else who has subscribed to the Pillsbury newsletter may have gotten the same email from the same secret admirer.

One Solution

Since injuring my back, I have been using a lumbar roll when driving. I got this Tempurpedic one below. This $50 Tempurpedic one.

I feel like it does help. It forces me to sit up and puts that arch in my back. Did I mention that it cost $50? My kids call it my "peanut" because of the shape.

I like to leave it in the car so that I don't forget it when I go out. But recently we've been hit with some extreme cold temperatures here in the Pacific northwest. It was 30 degrees when I woke up this morning! And the grass was covered in frost. I just wanted to put that out there for all of you who are enjoying the negative degree temps through out the rest of the country. I'm not bragging, just rubbing it in a little mentioning it. (Please keep in mind that if you live in Miami, Hawaii or Southern California, your comments may be accidentally deleted. It is my blog after all.)

My pillow was frozen when I got in the car this morning. It was more like a rock than a pillow! Maybe I should bring it in the house overnight. For a while I would bring the pillow in the house with me each time I came home. Then my kids started using my pillow as a very expensive indoor football.

I believe the term "indoor football" is an oxymoron. Not only did I enjoy watching my pillow be tossed around and barely miss knocking over the TV or landing on the stove while I was cooking dinner, I also never could find it when I was ready to go somewhere. So I went back to leaving it in the car.

This morning it was frozen solid.

I have a solution. I will be moving to Aruba next week.

Et tu, Brute?

I have been feeling a little old lately. I had to walk with a cane when I ruptured the disc in my back. I had to go to therapy at a nursing home to help with my back. I was taking more medications than everyone at Seattle Grace Medical Center combined! Okay, I may be exaggerating a little on that last one, but not the others.

And now this??

I came down with bronchitis over the weekend and the pharmacist filled my prescription into one of those bottles with the big lids. The big lids for certain people who have trouble opening lids. The big lids that make it easy for old people (like me apparently) to open their medication.

Et tu Brute pharmacist?

My husband is still laughing.

You Can't Lose

My kids (ages 7 and 8) were so excited about the Super Bowl. I'm still not really sure why. We live in Seattle, and we're not Packers fans or Steelers fans. This year we didn't even have any big plans for the game, no Super Bowl party to attend.
We did watch the game yesterday. My 8 year old had decided he wanted the Packers to win. My 7 year old copies everything the 8 year old does, so he also wanted the Packers to win. My husband thought the Steelers had more of a chance to win, so he took their side.About halfway through the third quarter my 7 year old starting cheering, "Go Pittsburgh! Go Pittsburgh!" over and over again. I said, "I thought you were cheering for the Packers."
The look on his face said it all. He was cheering for the Packers. You know, the Pittsburgh Packers. My husband and I laughed at how he had all of his bases covered.
My 7 year old thinks he knows everything. Last week he came home from school and told me that winter is almost over because the ground hog didn't see his shadow. "That's right," I said. He replied very proudly, "only 6 more days of winter left." So mark your calendars everyone and get your sandals and sunglasses ready!